I have been going through a divorce and I really feel the need to share some insight with you.
If you have not experienced dealing with our legal system pertaining to divorce lately I think most would be very dismayed with the attitude of the legal system concerning women. I cannot tell you what year the laws were changed in most states, but it is of no benefit to women. Not being able to sue for divorce any longer only benefits the courts. It is but another part of our system that is run and controlled by men, and as women we are not treated fairly.
If you were a stay at home wife, you will suffer the most. Even after a long term marriage. In asking for any alimony you are made to feel as if you are a second class citizen asking for a hand out. It no longer matter if for the past 10 years, your husband has lived in the bars, did drugs, cheated on you, or any other undesirable behavior. The term " hard working man" really carries a lot of weight with the rest the rest of the men within the legal system. All the work the wife did within the home carries NO VALUE WHAT SO EVER! Mind you, they won't and can't come right out and say that, but believe me they are sure thinking it. And even if you are awarded a settlement and alimony you may not get it. Heaven help you if your ex moves out of state. Ad it stand now, if he leaves the state and does not pay, being in contempt of court is not on a nation wide data base system. In order for a bench warrant to be put into force, you must now go through the legal system of what ever state he now resides in. This is very costly, and most women can not afford any more attorney fees.
If you are considering filling for a divorce, these are a few thing to before hand.
1. Don't believe every thing the lawyer tells you. He or she will tell you just want you want to hear to your money.
2. You need to let them know up front you will not allow your husband's attorney to get by with asking for any delay in any hearing or mediation. " TO BAD IF HE HAS TO LOOSE A DAY'S WORK" If you are going to need alimony to get by, this will only cause a big delay in getting it.
3. If you have a mediation, remember that less is more. Don't give any more information than is needed because it may be used against you at a later date.
4. And the big one is, if you are asked how long ago did you know that the marriage was broken, be careful of your answer. If you say something like 5 year they will try and deduct the length of time of your marriage. This can effect the amount of your alimony in a big way.
5. Keep in mind even if you have a women lawyer she still works within the same legal system that is run by men.
The sad thing is, if you are too soft with your lawyer they will not take you seriously, and if you are too aggressive you are looked at as a bitch. You can't win for loosing.
5 years ago